Hey There Khalilah

Hey There Khalilah

Hey there, Khalilah, what's it like in Baghdad City?

I'm 3,000 miles away but girl tonight you're looking pretty

Can't you see?

You're looking really hot, baby.  Literally.

Hey there, Khalilah, I am at my latest booking

But I'm writing you tonight to say how much I miss your cooking

So I sob.

Wipe all my tears up with a mop.  There's no kabob.

Oh, it's how you cook the meat.  How you cook the meat.

Hey there Khalilah, you stay good and cook some coosa

Til I'm back there making money at the Improv in Falluja

Give it time.  

I'm bombing really bad this time.  No, not that kind.

Hey there, Khalilah, if I must eat one more Twinkie

Well I might just have to lick my arm and then bite off my pinky

What a scene.  The only Arab food I see's

Attached to me

Oh, it's how you cook the meat.  How you cook the meat.

3,000 miles is far away, but I just want kabob today

I'd eat it all up with a knife and fork.

Why am I so far from you?  All they have here is bar-b-que

Which would be good except I don't eat pork.

The ketchup here is really bad, the mustard's not a deadly gas

This pizza box tastes better, that's for sure

And it's cardboard

Hey there, Khalilah, you're tahini on falafal

No, you're not sesame paste but girl I just can't eat without you

So you know.  I'll have kabob when I get home.

And chug rose water like a pro

Cuz I do not like Domino's

Oh no I don't.

It's Been Declined: The Card

It was back in college, I was hardly 20

I lacked lot of food and money

So buying certain things was kinda hard

But the mail one day brought awesome news

It turned out I'd been pre-approved

For a classy new no-hassle credit card.

I used the card for et cetera things,

No APR, whatever that means

I even bought my clothing by the pile

I tell you there's no doubt about

I was never leaving home without it

Hell, I even earned some frequent flier miles

Well I felt I finally caught my break

Intead of Easy Mac, every night was steak

Hell a simple swipe really isn't all that hard

'Til the waiter seemed upset one day

Receipt in hand, he then did say

Sir, there's been a problem with your card

It's been declined, it's been declined

You've maxed your credit line

You need to find another way to pay

Well it seems you over charged

Your no hassle credit card

You need to make a payment right away

Well I thought that was the damndest thing

Cuz I don't reckon I bought anything

That could total up to all 1,000 bucks

Of course I did buy pink shirts at the Gap

And some things of milk for that silly rap

And there was the shopping spree at Toys R Us

It was frightening news, but I sure was shocked

To hear ten messages in my voice mail box

All left by some dude in Delaware

So I called him back there at his place

Since it surely was some small mistake

But he made sure I's awake and well aware

It's been declined, it's been declined

You maxed your credit line

You need to send a check to us today

Well it seems you over-charged

Your no hassle credit card

Please make another payment right away

So he said that zero APR

Well, it only lasts for the first 4 hours

Before jumping up to 38.2

And your payment, well, was due today

So technically it's considered late

But I'll talk to my manager, see what I can do

Our repo guys have been sent out

They took your car, they took your house

But if you pay today, we'll let you keep your fence

So with the interest garnered on your line

Divide the five and carry the nine

You owe use thirteen hundred dollars and twelve cents

When I got in there to his place

He had a scared-y stare upon his face

Eyes were wide, he tried to hide and I saw fear

"What's in your wallet?" said the dude

And I said ain't nothing, thanks to you

But you said to pay you back, and so I'm here

He said here's your money, here's some more

I'll even fix your credit score

Just don't be upset, just don't you be depressed

If you spare my life, I promise, friend

You'll never pay a bill again

Tell me, what say you to my request?

It's been declined, it's been declined

It's about time you up and died

You need to find a god to whom to pray

Well it appears today

Will be the last time that you say

Please make another payment right away